Things I Wish I Could Put On My Resume

1) Captain of the Sarcasm Team

2) Bull Shit Cutter

3) Bratty Kid Diagnoser

4) Awkward Moment Maker

5) Huge vocal range <– because I worked really hard on it, and for what? All I do with my voice now is yell at kids.

6) Groundskeeper, Cemetery of Failed College Majors

7) Deliverer of Harsh Perspective

8) Wedding Crasher

9) Antiquated Word Conneusseur

10) Verbal Bitch Slapper

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